Smell ya later

Dr. M and I are about to embark on our annual holiday road trip and family fun fest, so Spacebeer will be taking a break for a week or so. If you live in Lincoln or Western Nebraska, perhaps we will see you, although we will only be in each spot for a couple of days, so if we don't see you, don't get too sad. It just means we don't like you as much as we like our families.

If all goes as planned we will be back in Austin on the afternoon of New Year's Eve, and not stuck in the snow in a dry county in Oklahoma or something lame like that. If you are doing something fun on NYE, write me an e-mail and let me know. I would love to ring in the New Year with each and every one of you crazy cats.

Heads will roll

My latest random-book read is one of Josh's childhood favorites, Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In by Joe Bob Briggs [aka John Bloom] (1987), a collection of reviews of drive-in movies that originally ran as a weekly column in The Dallas Times.

Joe Bob Briggs is the chauvinistic and non-politically-correct alter-ego of journalist John Bloom. His reviews of drive-in movies are interspersed with a running narrative of the fictional girls and good-ole-boys in Joe Bob's life, and always end with a count-up of the number of breasts, killings, rolling heads, and kung-fu moves featured in the film.

The reviews of the movies are really fun to read, and I appreciate the handy statistics at the end of each column. Even the running gags with Joe Bob and his series of girlfriends are entertaining -- and almost read like a novel when you put all the pieces together in a book like this. Sometimes the dumb humor is funny, but most of the time it reads like bad Jeff Foxworthy or Larry the Cable Guy jokes (are there any good ones?), and kind of falls flat. Joe Bob's constant bating of NOW and the entire city of San Francisco also gets a little old. As you might expect, since it was originally published as a newspaper column, many of the references in the reviews are very dated, and reading the book takes one back to the 1980s with constant referrals to the Communists, Vidal Sassoon, and We Are the World.

Overall the book is worth reading, and the most disappointing thing about it is that hardly any of Joe Bob's beloved drive-ins have survived in the 20 years since this volume was published.

As Joe Bob would say: Check it out.

SBW: The Senior Correspondent Edition

Since I work at an enlightened institution that gave us a reduced schedule on Monday and Tuesday (9 to 4, dogs, with plenty of long lunch Christmas party action), and the rest of the year off, I've gotten to watch a little of the Today show this week, which I usually miss since I'm out the door by seven. Matt Lauer is apparently on vacation, and my SB David Gregory has been filling in. Nice.




You would think it would be easier to find pictures of Gregory, but there are apparently a lot of people out there with the same name. And if you are the senior White House correspondent for NBC, almost all the pictures of you will be the same press photo or a series of grainy screen shots from someones television. This does not make for compelling viewing.

If Wikipedia is to be believed, Gregory was actually being considered as a replacement for Matt Lauer in 2007, but apparently that has been dropped and Lauer's contract continued. So for now, all we can hope is that Matt goes on many more lengthy vacations on the days when I can catch a few minutes of Today.

[As you might expect, You Tube has many clips of David Gregory animatedly interrupting Bush and making him look stupid. It also has a clip of Gregory imitating Bush on the Tonight Show. I love it when I can find live-action SB shots...]

Josh and Kristymas 2006

We held our private Xmas celebration this weekend which included opening stockings, drinking a bunch of egg nog with brandy, and listening to our Christmas music compilations (including my personal favorite, the New Wave Hits of the 80s Christmas CD).

After our Josh and Kristymas weekend and tonight's Very Whisky Christmas party at our friends' house, we will probably have drunk enough Christmas cheer to see us through to the new year.

More pictures here.

Watch it

I bought myself this new watch as a special present with a small part of the big check I got when I cashed in my unused vacation from my last job (I had a little over three weeks, so it was almost a whole other paycheck! Yay!). My last three watches have been $9.99 watches from Walgreen's, and when their batteries ran out, I just got another $9.99 watch. They were all fine and served me well. Before that I had (and still have) a pretty nice watch I got for Christmas seven or eight years ago. I even replaced the band on it once, and replaced the battery twice. But then the battery ran out and somehow it was easier to buy a cheap watch from Walgreen's than to go somewhere and have the battery replaced. The thing about me is, I hate stores and errands, and anything I can do to avoid going to an inconvenient store I will do.

Now this watch is a fancy Citizen Eco-Drive watch that runs off of the ambient light it absorbs through its face. The idea is that the battery never needs to be replaced. It is a wonder watch, and even if it only lasts nine years, I'll have invested the same amount as nine Walgreen's watches. Plus it looks prettier.

Since I bought it off Amazon instead of at a jewelers (again, don't like to go to stores), the band is pretty big for my ridiculously wimpy wrist. Knowing me, however, I will just let it dangle for years before somehow accidentally being in a mall and thinking to ask someone at a jewelry counter to take out a few links. I think my watch will fit properly sometime around 2010.

Work Work Work

I read this book about my work at work for work. Not that I expect you to be all that interested, but it was a very helpful history. And since I'm a completest about these sorts of things, you get to hear about it anyway.

[Pictured, by the way, is the chapel at my work. It is very nice, as far as chapels go.]

SBW: Multitalented edition

Kris Kristofferson covers many of the SB bases with which we are now all so intimately familiar. He plays a guitar. He usually has a beard. He is in many good movies (and sometimes bad ones, but he is still good). He has eyes that can be super nice and crinkley, or ice-cold and freaky.







He is dead sexy as a young dude, and yet even sexier as an old dude.










He can somehow make a shot with Barbara Streisand look pretty hot. And I'm rather neutral toward Barbara Streisand.

And to top it all off, he is totally sexy laying in bed with Sinead O'Connor in the "This Is To Mother You" video, and I just spent 10 minutes searching the internet for a still or a YouTube version of this video with no luck. If you get a chance to see it, you will swoon.

Gleep Glop

After reading this article about a contest for cocktail making robots at Roboexotica in Vienna yesterday, I came home and saw a bit about it as the "funny" last piece on the local news. Obviously robot-mania is sweeping the nation.

The video in the CNN article has some nice robots-in-action shots [my favorite is the bot that utilizes those wine openers that look like little dudes with arms that go up and down], and You Tube provides some video of the German-accented awards ceremony [which shows a little tiny clip of a bunch of the bots, and also demonstrates that Roboexotica might not actually be as exciting as it sounds]. Finally, someone named their cocktail robot Cockbot, and I couldn't possibly think of a better name.

Just don't make these guys any more drinks.

Optimen and Cyborgs = Kristy is a nerd

Somehow I am still a couple of weeks behind on reporting my reading habits. I'm not sure how this happened... I do, however, have a distant memory of reading The Eyes of Heisenberg by Frank Herbert (1966). Frank Herbert is the guy who wrote the Dune books, and this is the only thing by him that I've ever read. I do remember my dad reading all the Dune books one winter when I was a kid, which is unusual because he hardly ever reads fiction books. In fact, I think those Dune books are the only fiction I can ever remember my dad reading.

If The Eyes of Heisenberg is any indication, my dad must be on to something, because this was a very good little science fiction book. Let's see how I do with the plot: In the super-future, part of the human race has evolved into Optimen -- humans that never die (provided they take their enzyme supplements), but who are sterile and can't reproduce. The Optimen have learned a great deal about genetic manipulation, and have taken control over all reproduction by exposing all the regular humans to contraceptive gas and only letting them reproduce if the Optimen think its a good idea. Even then, the embryos are genetically modified to enhance beneficial traits like healthiness and obedience, and to get rid of any unique or potentially upsetting flaws. The embryos are then raised in machine-wombs and given back to the parents after birth.

Occasionally, however, an unseen force will change the genetic pattern of the embryo -- in some cases making it impervious to the contraceptive gas and able to procreate on its own. Obviously the Optimen don't like that. But the underground movement of parents loves it. They have temporarily teamed up with the Cyborgs to overthrow the Optimen -- the Cyborgs are another branch of humanity that enhances its nature by combining with robots instead of altering their genetics like the Optimen. The Optimen don't like the Cyborgs, and mostly pretend that they don't exist.

What will become of humanity? Can people figure out how to have sex the old fashioned way? Can immortal beings actually die? And do we really want to meld with robots?

These and other fascinating questions are explored in The Eyes of Heisenberg. So check it out.

Back cover is hanging out here.

And other versions of the front cover (which I love), can be found here.

I made this crappy stocking!

Josh and I decided to do stockings for each other this year instead of regular presents. The problem was, Josh already had a really nice stocking that his aunt made for him when he was a kid. Me, I've got nothing. So, to compensate I bought a $2 stocking from the HEB, cut out some crappy letters that spelled Kristy, glued them to a piece of construction paper that was accidentally a little too short, and taped the whole thing to the front of the stocking. And yet, somehow, I like it.

But if anyone knows a good place to get cool stockings, let me know. I'd like to upgrade for next year.

[In addition, this is my 500th Spacebeer post. Just in case you're keeping track.]

SB RIP

This week's Secret Boyfriend Wednesday comes to you from beyond the grave in the form of sexy voice + sexy guy = super sexy secret boyfriend Jeff Buckley.

[And I have to mention, that Jeff Buckley's father Tim Buckley is an SB himself, possibly making Tim and Jeff Buckley the only father and son sexy-voiced SB pair who both died tragically and young. That is an elite group, my friends.]

Have you heard Jeff Buckley sing? Because seriously, you really don't even need to see a picture of him if you can hear him. He could be a SB based on voice alone.

Naturally, playing the guitar and rocking out on stage adds to the S and to the B.






In conclusion, double SBs are never bad.

Somersaults

How long has it been since you did a somersault? I'm guessing I hadn't done one for at least 15 years, and probably more like 20, so I busted one out this weekend. It kind of hurt my head and my back, but it was still kind of fun. I think I'm going to work them into my regular repertoire of things to do when I'm bored. I never have been able to really do a cartwheel, though.

[And I have always called those roll-over moves where you put your head on the ground and roll onto your back with your legs going over your head a somersault. But Wikipedia says somersaults are done up in the air. Who is right here? In addition, if you keep typing somersault, it will start to look really weird. Somersault.]

All Ears

I'm getting behind on my book posting, and a pile is starting to build up next to the computer. So, even though I read this guy like two weeks ago, I'll add it to the book list -- All Ears: Cultural Criticism, Essays and Obituaries by Dennis Cooper (1999).

This was, I believe, the only one of Dennis Cooper's books that I hadn't already read. He is an author that I really like, but before I'd pretty much only read his fiction, so I was interested to see what this collection of essays (mostly reprinted from magazines) would be like.

Naturally, since Cooper is an interesting and creative writer, these were all interesting and creative articles and interviews. Because the essays were all written for specific magazines and audiences, they really take you back to the 1990s, for better or for worse. There is even a really nice little interview with a young Keanu Reeves (who I generally don't like), where he comes off very sweet and kind of naive and genuine.

So, if you like Cooper, or music, or the 1990s, or Keanu, then you should probably read this book.

[I should really write these things when my reading of the book is a bit more fresh...]

Wax on, Wax off

Is anyone really surprised about this? I mean, if you work the overnight shift at a waxworks, things are going to happen, right?

[Pictured are the classy wax replicas of Beyonce, Britney Spears, and Kylie Minogue, just asking to be horsed around with.]

SBW: Older and Wiser Edition

I've found that, even though I'm now thirty, my list of secret boyfriends hasn't really changed. A long time SB standby is none other than the sometimes blonde haired, sometimes brown haired, Viggo Mortensen.

For one thing, I appreciate that he spells his name with an "en." After so many people misspelling my "en" name, I am all for more "en"s in the world. IMBD tells me his dad was Danish. Go Danes!

Then -- Indian Runner. Have you seen this? It is awesome, and he is dead sexy in it. Look at those tattoos. Oh my.

In addition to that little Lord of the Rings thing you might have heard of (he was sexy in that, but I really already have enough pictures on this thing, and the long hair isn't totally my thing), he was also in A History of Violence. I love David Cronenberg movies across the board, but this one I especially liked. Plus there are some very good sex scenes in it, and I appreciate a good sex scene since they are usually so formulaic and just stuck in for no reason.

I'm not sure why he is kissing David Cronenberg here, but I support that too.

[He is also the ex-husband of X singer Exene Cervenka. Woo!]

Three decades of laughs

Secret Boyfriend Wednesday will be officially postponed until tomorrow so that I can fully concentrate on celebrating my 30th birthday. SBs do make birthdays better, but today is all about me, folks. (Actually, it's also all about my youngest sister, who was born on my 6th birthday.) Since I've spent the first 10 hours of awake time on my birthday doing boring work related things, now is the time to relax and bask in my new found wisdom. In addition I will make my husband take me to eat a Brazilian feast and also give me the present he has been hiding in the closet for a couple of weeks. I swear I didn't peek, because I'm not that kind of gal.

P.S. I will be having birthday drinks at an undisclosed location on Saturday night, so if you want me to disclose the details, send me a note.

Work it out

Here is what you need to create a realistic office environment:

• Business Cards
• ID badge
• Checks
• Glasses
• Picture of a kid
• Computer
• Meeting board (with clock noting meeting time, space for notes, company name, and world map)
• Watch
• Calculator
• "I'm the Boss" Coffee Mug
• Personalized notepad
• Crayons
• Pen
• Calendar
• Stamper Thing? (I think? Unsure what it stamps out, though)
• Calendar
• Donut
• Cell Phone
• Stapler
• Pointing Hand on the end of a stick

My plan is to buy this, clear off my desk, and see if anyone notices the difference.

Thansky

Operation Fun Thanksgiving 2006 was a super success -- except in the way of me taking any pictures of the awesome feast that Josh created (pasta with a pork sausage, porcini mushrooms and escarole sauce and a yummy italian salad with homemade polenta croutons that I made). The best I did was a picture of the leftovers in the fridge with one round of all the beer we bought. When you have five thirsty folks, you go through a lot of beer. A lot.

In addition to beer drinking, we ate out a bunch, saw Fast Food Nation, climbed up Mount Bonnell, played drunken Uno, watched a bunch of Lost and Found Video, and spent at least 75% of the vacation in our sweatpants.

For further photographic documentation, go here.

Oh and one more thing...

...posting will be minimal the next few days as we entertain family and prepare a Thanksgiving feast. I can only assume that pictures of said feast will follow, so stay tuned.

SBW: 007 Edition

Here at Secret Boyfriend Wednesday, we like to keep up with what is hot in the entertainment business. With all the press about the new James Bond, Daniel Craig, he keeps floating across our TV and computer screens. Even though my chances of seeing the new James Bond movie are slim, each time I've seen him I had to comment on how sexy he is. (I'm sure Dr. M gets tired of this, but its part of the deal -- you marry me, you marry my SBs).

I don't like to have to hop on the bandwagon, because I know a lot of people have recognized Craig's SB potential. In addition, he is blond, and didn't I just have a blond SB last week? They are a rare breed, and don't generally pop up two weeks in a row.

Then last weekend, we watched Munich (eh, it was alright -- I didn't really care for the ending and the characters were pretty lame) -- and I got to see Craig walking and talking and shooting people and it sealed the deal. He is now an official SB.

Particularly when he unleashes these guys. Yowza.

Mysterioso

The top book on my pile of mystery and science fiction books purchased at the last Literacy Austin book sale called out and asked to be read. So what else could I do? I whizzed on through Evidence of Things Seen by Elizabeth Daly (1943).

This is a nice little mystery about a high-society woman who is renting an isolated summer house with her husband and another couple during the war. She and her maid get there early and begin to settle in, but are disturbed by the regular appearance of a strange woman in a sunbonnet at odd times when no such woman should be around. They find out that the sister of their landlady died in the house under potentially suspicious circumstances (said landlady came into a bunch of money thanks to her sister's death). The neighbors suspect the landlady of poisoning her sister, and a bit into the book the landlady also dies under mysterious circumstances. Did the ghost do it?

This is a nice little mystery, with enough twists that I didn't guess who had really dunnit until the solution was revealed. It does have some rather dated ideas about men and women and about class differences, but nothing too cringey. Since the book is billed as a Henry Gamadge Mystery, I can only suspect that he shows up in some other Daly books. I really liked his wife better than him, though, so if I read another one, I hope she comes along for the ride.

It's funny that I started reading this last week, just after we watched The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, which is also about woman and her maid living in an isolated house that is haunted by the ghost of the former house-owner who died under mysterious circumstances. A lot less murder in the movie, though.

And if you like that sort of thing check out the back cover here.

Inappropriate

Last week when the temperature dropped, I was watching a little local news while I ate my cereal in the morning, and they had a reporter doing a story about this local charity group that goes out and distributes blankets to the homeless on really cold nights. Pretty nice, right? They backed it up with some statistics about how many homeless people there are in Austin and how many are sleeping out on the streets each night. All very timely and interesting information.

But then the camera pans out and the same reporter segues into a story about these dorks who have been waiting outside of an Austin Best Buy for three days in order to be first in line to buy the new Playstation. "Not everyone has to sleep outside on a cold night, but some people actually choose too! These Playstation fans are braving the cold temperatures for a chance to be one of the first in Austin to purchase the new gaming system."

Inappropriate.

Who needs IKEA when we have the Internet?

Shouldn't you be thinking about getting fabulous gifts for all your friends and family? Spacebeer
understands your shopping needs and has kindly assembled a one-stop shop of links that will cover everyone. You can thank me later in the form of gifts.

Pretty Good Things (plus the shop on Etsy)
For lovely earrings and purses and bracelets and soft fortune notes (pictured here) and just everything.

Hilary Sorensen Photography
Beautiful nature photography and abstract images. Order a print or order some coasters or order some playing cards or a t-shirt. Just go wild with orders.

Bumbles and Lu
Vinyl wallets that will break your heart with cuteness, plus the best scarves ever. And other things.

Young and With It Industries
Stationery that explores the age-old theme of "Guess What?"

Dan Machold Photo
Amazing shots with rich colors. Order your prints framed or unframed.

[did I forget anyone?]

SBW: The Blond Exception Edition

Although my SBs are almost never blond, occasionally an exception sneaks into the pack. One such exception: the lovely James Spader.











I have to admit, his rich and jerky sexed-up coke-head bad guy character in movies like Pretty in Pink and Less than Zero always held a certain fascination for me as a young girl. He always seemed to throw the best parties...







But what has really done it is his more grown up (and often extremely sexual) roles, which include a turn with the gal-pal of last week's SB, Maggie Gyllenhaal, in Secretary.

A little car crash feitishization in Crash....







And video-taping Andie MacDowell (who I normally don't really like, but who I do like in this movie) and her sexual fantasies in Sex, Lies and Videotape. And occasionally baring it all for our enjoyment.

Thanks James.

Book Club Update

I am a super speedreader, it's true. I finished our next book club selection a few days ago -- the wondrous and awesome Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (1848). I read this book once before, for a class in college, and it totally floored me. Ever since I've been planning to read it again, in a non-class setting, but just never gave myself the chance. Now I have, and there are no regrets. Hopefully the other two book club members like it too, since I was the one who suggested it.

I don't want to say too much about it, since that is saved for the sanctity of the bookclub. If you do feel like you might want to read some nineteenth century literature, give this one a try -- it is action packed with revenge, romance, and potentially the most twisted family tree on earth. Heathcliff! Catherine! The moors! Wuthering Heights has got it all.

Now I just have to re-read Jane Eyre...

Mama? Is that you?

While watching the Tales from the Darkside episode "In the Cards" last night, I almost immediately recognized the lead actress, Dorothy Lyman as daughter-in-law Naomi Oates Harper from the TV series Mama's Family. At first I was very proud of this, but in retrospect, I'm kind of un-nerved. I mean, I watched some Mama's Family in my youth, but I didn't think I watched it that much. Apparently I watched it just enough for all the characters to be permanently burned into my brain...

This site will bring it all back for you, explain why the show was funny, and connect it all with Chuck Taylor high tops. Just be patient.

[Additionally, Dorothy Lyman was married to Louis Malle's brother from 1987-2001, making her Candice Bergen's sister-in-law. Weird.]

Art!

Don't you like great photographs? Don't you like free beer and snacks? Don't you like DJs? Don't you like me? Then come to End of an Ear with me on Sunday to see Dan's photo show. Sources say it will be awesome.

SBW: Overly Vowelled Names Edition

I'm kind of subdued and overwhelmed for a variety of reasons this week, but I figure that looking at some nice SB pictures is always good for ones mental health, and a pleasant way to pass the time.

With that in mind, let's take a gander at SBWs pick of the week: Peter Sarsgaard.









He passes one major test by often running around town with a full beard. My do I like a full beard.










He has also babyfied with one of my Secret Girlfriends (who incidentally also has a rather overly vowelled name), Maggie Gyllenhaal.



And the final test: no shirt. This would be even better if he had some arm tattoos, but I'm not picky. This will certainly do.

Play time

My latest randomly-generated read is yet another book from the wonderful world of Josh's book collection -- Complete Works: One (1954-1960) by Harold Pinter. Since Pinter is almost entirely a playwright, this first volume of his complete works is almost entirely plays, with the exception of two early short stories. The best known work in this volume is probably "The Birthday Party", which I had never read, but had heard of, and which has apparently been made into a film, which I'd really like to see.

In fact, I don't believe that I had read any Pinter before checking out this volume, and I would be more than happy to read some more. I like how no one in his plays really ever says anything that means anything to anyone else, and yet all the stuff they aren't saying means even more than it would if they just said it. Make sense?

It had been awhile since I sat down and read a collection of plays, and I really enjoyed it. Why don't I read plays more often? I'm going to have to try and work that in...

Next up: Wuthering Heights for the super three-person awesome book club with no name. Said book club could totally expand if anyone else wants to be included. You might have to think of a catchier name for it, though...

Unemployed

Oh, but just for two days.

My last day in the work of archival mathematics stuff was on Friday, and my first day with archival churchy records is Monday. My old work buddies were very nice and threw me the ultimate goodbye triumvirate of Lunch (the Eastside Cafe - yummy), Cake ("Congratulations Kristy" with purple flowers, eaten at 9:45 in the morning because they like it that way), and Happy Hour (the Crown and Anchor, because its right by my old work. And actually, right by my new work too.).

Now I have to get used to driving (and walking twice a week, that's my goal anyway) to a new place, figuring out where to get coffee, getting all my stuff just where I like it in my new office, and figuring out what all is in my new collections. When you are an archivist, the old historical stuff that is entrusted to your care sort of seems like it is your stuff after awhile. I hope they hire someone good to take care of my math stuff, because I kind of already miss it. Damn stuff.

SBW: Thursday Edition, GBV-style

It is hard when one of your secret boyfriends is the former bass player in a band that has since broken up. It makes it very difficult to find a picture that is just of him and that really captures the cute teddy-bear nature of his face, and the awesome rock and roll power of his stage presence. Tim Tobias is one such fellow.




Since Guided by Voices is pretty much Dr. M's favorite band of all time, we saw them every chance we could get before they broke up (which I think, for me, was five or six times?). Most of the times that I saw them, Tim Tobias was the bass player in the lineup. Just look at how cute his round face is. I love it.

On stage, Tim Tobias and Nate Farley would sometimes get so riled up by the rock and roll and the whiskey that they would kiss each other. I can't really explain it, but this was extremely sexy.

Once we saw them play an in-store at Waterloo, and we were ridiculously early (as usual). I was pretending to browse through CDs and Tim Tobias was looking at the CDs just across from me. Our eyes met and he smiled. Truly magical, folks. And honestly, probably the closest I've gotten to a personal encounter with any of my SBs.

It's hard to pick a favorite SB of all the GBV members (except the drummer, for whom I have no particular feelings). Nate Farley kisses the bass player and has this awesome rock and roll arm thing he does on stage. Plus cute tattoos. Tim Tobias has the teddy bear face and droopy eyes that I like. Robert Pollard does high kicks, has sexy grey and sometimes curly hair, and swings his microphone a lot. Doug Gillard is a class act, a great dresser, and an amazing guitarist. It is hard to choose, but, world, I've made my choice.