Hulking up

I never was a Hulkamaniac, and even when I was a kid and would watch wrestling, the Hulkster would kind of freak me out. The secret to why this coked-up, showboating greaseball became a role model (and marketing scheme) for kids is lost in the twisted mind of Vince McMahon. To top it all off, he is really a pretty boring wrestler. But the dude could talk:



This almost makes his excruciating 20 minute pose-down after he is disqualified and eliminated from the championship later in Wrestlemania IV worth it...

[And even if you don't like wrestling at all, just watch the video -- it's only two minutes long and takes the weirdest possible twist about one minute in. And the Hulk makes a great exit. It is worth it, I swear.]

93,173

[Part 2 is here. They don't lie when they call this the best match in the WWF. All of Wrestlemania 3 is really great, and this match is the greatest of all.]

The Undertaker

I love The Undertaker. Love love love him. So I was totally surprised when I looked at his Wikipedia page and discovered that he lives in Austin! Really? I am hoping that Wikipedia is right on this one, because I would love to run into the Undertaker somewhere. If you see a 6'10", 300 pound dude with long reddish hair around town, give me a call. [Incidentally, Wikipedia was made for wrestling fans. There is a huge amount of information on every single move in The Undertaker's wrestling career. I love him and I couldn't read the whole thing. Do yourself a favor, though, and scroll down to the bottom to read up on his finishing and signature moves, nicknames, signature taunts and gimmicks.]

The Undertaker's most famous signature move is, of course, the Tombstone Piledriver. So let's all sit down and watch this Tombstone Piledriver compilation (come on, its only a minute and a half long, you'll like it -- plus all the crotch in the face action is rather entertaining):



And if that isn't enough, check out The Undertaker doing a Tombstone Piledriver on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry (who also apparently also lives in Austin? Is Wikipedia fucking with me?).

[One more link: an Onion story on the Undertaker taking on funeral arrangements for Eddie Guerrero, a wrestler who died of heart failure in 2005.]

Damn.

Right now the World Heavyweight Champion is The Great Khali (7'3" -- a very big dude, played by Dalip Singh Rana). And the World Cruiserweight Champion is Hornswaggle (4'5", Finlay's sidekick -- a "leprechaun" played by little person Dylan Postl). Usually Hornswaggle jumps up from under the ring while Finlay is fighting, and distracts the referee so Finlay can bash his opponent with his shillelagh, and doesn't actually compete himself. You can read how he won the championship (and watch a clip) here. The following clip will show you why I love to watch wrestling (this is pre-championship for both men, but it's the only clip I could find of the two of them together).



[Do yourself a favor, and check out the "Finishing and signature moves" section on the Wikipedia pages for each of these wrestlers. You won't be disapointed.]