Unmitigated Humbug

Advertised in the Louisville Weekly Journal, August 14, 1855. All spelling, punctuation, and poetry reproduced as printed.

The Bliss of Marriage – The Way to the Altar

Matrimony Made Easy, or How to Win a Lover, a book of 160 pages. Price $1….

"Love rules the court, the camp, the grove / For love is Heaven, and Heaven is Love." / So sang the bard; yet thousands pine / For love – of life the light divine – / Who, did they know some gentle charm, / The hearts of those they love to warm, / Might live, might die, in bliss supreme / Possessing all of which they dream. / The road to wedlock would you know? / Delay not, but to RONDOUT go. / Time flies, and from his gloomy wings / A shadow falls on living things; / Then seize the moments as they pass / Ere fall the last sands through the glass; / At least the present is your own, / While all the future is unknown. / A happy marriage man or maid / Can now secure by RONDOUT's aid.

Professor RONDOUT, of New York, where he has been the means of bringing about thousands of happy marriages, will send to any address, on receipt of ONE DOLLAR, post-paid, plain directions to enable Ladies or Gentlemen to win the devoted affections of as many of the opposite sex as they may desire. The process is so simple, but so captivating, that all may be married, irrespective of age, appearance, or position; and last, though not least, it can be arranged with the utmost ease and delicacy.

This is decidedly the most fascinating, interesting, and really useful and practical work on Courtship, Matrimony, and the duties and delights of Married Life that has ever been issued from the American press. The artificial social system which in so many instances prevents a union of hearts, and sacrifices to conventionalism the happiness and even the lives of thousands of the young and hopeful of both sexes, is thoroughly analyzed and exposed. Every one who contemplates marriage and wishes for an infallible guide in the selection of a partner for life, should purchase this great text-book of connubial felicity.

N. B. This is no humbug, but one of the greatest sciences the world ever produced, which thousands of ladies and gentlemen in the city of New York can attest to. No one will ever regret the price paid for such an invaluable secret; which is contained in a book of 160 pages, with all the necessary directions….

All that is necessary for you to do is to write a letter in as few words as possible, inclose the money, and write the name with the post-office, county, and State…

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And for extra fun, check out this contemporary review of Professor RONDOUT's work from Humbug: A Look at Some Popular Impositions by S. F. French (1859). [Thanks to Harvard and dear Google Books, the digitization megalord that librarians love to hate.] The whole book is great, but at the very least do yourself a favor and check out the table of contents. You will not be disappointed.