On why I hate teeth whitening

When Professor Romance asks about something, you can't deny him the answer. You can, however, ignore him for months, forget he asked the question, and then grudgingly answer it the next time he asks. That is my move, though, so don't steal it.

The people in my family have a tendency to pretty much like everything and go with the flow, with the exception of a handful of people, concepts, or places that we individually can't stand. We will talk for hours about why we can't stand them and irritate our friends and neighbors with the details of this hatred. My mother, for example, hates Britney Spears, people traveling to mars, and this mexican restaurant in Lincoln called ChiChis that is now closed. (She hates them because they put too much ice in her margarita and they wouldn't bring her a new one. Before that happened we would go there at least once a month, after that happened we never set foot inside ChiChis again. You would think maybe that led to their downfall, but they were actually open for like seven more years.) My dad hates Jimmie Dale Gilmore and Roxy Music. And probably some other stuff... And, um, I'm not sure what my sisters hate. Okay, this generalization may only apply to me and my mother.

What I hate is: Henry Rollins, Hummers, those Gatorade commercials, and teeth whitening. Those other things are rather self-explanatory, but perhaps I should elaborate on teeth whitening:

Basically I hate this because it is a false problem that is being marketed like it is a serious issue. Where before people would only get their teeth whitened if they were a movie star or had some kind of tooth deformity, now everyone is getting teeth whitening treatments from their dentists or their local drug store. These people are all thinking about the whiteness of their teeth and comparing it to others. Where before they wouldn't even notice a coffee stain, they now think it is unsightly and should be taken care of. In an expensive and time-consuming matter. That can't be good for your teeth. Just think about it -- all this bleach and these lasers and things. You don't want those on your tooth enamel. They will weaken it! So this stuff makes your teeth look whiter, but then makes them more vulnerable to decay in the future. Its like the whole thing is some kind of dental conspiracy!

Plus, I once had a dentist lecture me for ten minutes about how I should have my teeth whitened, and when I kept saying I wasn't interested he made me watch a video about teeth whitening while I was all strapped down in the chair. What a jerk. A teeth-whitening jerk.

Dude probably left the examination room to jump in his Hummer and drink a ChiChis margarita on Mars with Henry Rollins and Britney Spears. All with their white teeth. The jerks.